So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
