the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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