I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
