I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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