I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
