Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
