Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
