I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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