Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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