Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
