hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pooping to opera.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
