He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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