id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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