have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
