So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
