can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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