At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
