So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
