We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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