we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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