did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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