me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is wine microwaveable?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
