you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
