She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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