im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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