you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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