ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
