VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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