If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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