i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
