okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
