Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
