Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
