Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
