She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
