theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
