he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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