what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
