he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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