There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
