just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
