How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
