Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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