i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
