he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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