i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
