Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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