I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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