she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
