Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
