I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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