Duck Duck Cougar?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
