its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't deserve a penis
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
