i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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