sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
