i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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