I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
