a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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