We need to rekindle our bromance
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will be naked everywhere
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
