More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
