He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Duck Duck Cougar?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
