The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
